


like a bell to a southerly wind

by babybel



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Fake Marriage, First Kiss, M/M, Pining, Sharing a Bed, also: a lot of fluff and a lot of just slow paced conversational nice stuff, background episodic plot, jamie gets the chance to act as the doctors husband and just yearns his head off :/, just !! so much in love stuff, this is kinda a mix between romance and a character study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:40:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26128945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babybel/pseuds/babybel
Summary: Jamie kept almost looking up at the Doctor and then catching himself; he couldn’t. Because then the Doctor might look up at the same time and they might be looking at each other and while that was fine and good before, they were playing as married now, and that threw it off. He might blush. But then, isn’t that what married people were meant to do? Look at each other and blush?
Relationships: Second Doctor/Jamie McCrimmon
Comments: 17
Kudos: 49





	1. acting

**Author's Note:**

> i've been working on and off on this one for literally 6 months and i've decided that like. i gotta just pull the trigger and post it  
> the title is a kate bush lyric just like with everything else i write :pensive:

“Look, we were supposed to be meeting our friends here,” Jamie said to the creature sitting behind the resort’s front desk. “They were meant to get here a few days ago, can you- Ben and Polly Wright? Can you check your books?”

“Books,” the creature burbled with a laugh. “I’ll look through the record. Who’s asking?”

“Oh, you’ve got my name in there, I’m sure. James McCrimmon,” Jamie said, trying to peer over the desk and look at the holopad she was scrolling on. 

“What brings you here?” She said it nonchalantly in that funny voice of hers. 

“My, er-” Jamie looked over his shoulder at the Doctor, who was across the room reading the text up on holo-screens on the walls. “My husband, he travels quite a bit for, um, work. He said it was good here. Anniversary.” 

She looked up just quick enough to give him a smile, then went back to looking on her pad. “How many years?”

Jamie blinked. They hadn’t made that up on their way to the desk. “Three,” he said, because it was the first number he could think of. 

“Congratulations. Oh, here,” she said, holding up the pad. “This is odd. They checked in here but apparently they didn’t open their room. I could call and see if anyone’s seen them?”

“Sure, thanks.” He waited, tapping the heel of one foot against the toe of his other. He kept almost looking up at the Doctor and then catching himself; he couldn’t. Because then the Doctor might look up at the same time and they might be looking at each other and while that was fine and good before, they were playing as married now, and that threw it off. He might blush. 

But then, isn’t that what married people were meant to do? Look at each other and blush? If he did it would just be good acting. So he looked over at the Doctor, who was still reading those little moving lines of text with a finger pressed to his lips. He realized, heart skipping a beat, that he could hold the Doctor’s hand or kiss the Doctor’s cheek and it would be all right because it would be acting. Then he remembered that he ought to be worried about Ben and Polly. 

“I’ve just called management,” the creature said, pulling his attention back to her. “Your friends haven’t used their passes anywhere except here when they checked in. Maybe they had an emergency?”

“Right,” Jamie said, swallowing. “Right, probably.” 

“I’ll give you a ring or a page if anything turns up,” she said. “You have a good stay.” 

He nodded, and went over to the Doctor to whisper, “They’ve not been here since we first dropped them off.”

“There’s some fascinating history here,” the Doctor said, gesturing up to the holo-screens. “This planet is really a strange choice for-”

“Did you hear me? I said, Ben and Polly’ve not been here since we dropped them off,” Jamie pressed. 

“Oh dear.” The Doctor looked at him, hand pressed over his mouth. “Oh, that’s not good.” 

“No, it’s not,” Jamie said pointedly. “Do you think we should have a look around?” 

“They went missing at nighttime, didn’t they?” the Doctor asked, clasping his hands together nervously. 

“Aye, I think so.” 

“Then we might do well to wait till nighttime to search for them. Things change with the setting of the sun, they always do - or in this case, the suns. We might see something we wouldn’t see if we looked now.”

“And?”

The Doctor frowned. “What do you mean, and?”

Jamie raised his eyebrows. 

The Doctor held out for a solid two seconds before adding, “And they’ve got an absolutely marvelous museum attached to this place and there’s historical artifacts from when the planet was first discovered and isn’t that just brilliant? I’m sure Ben and Polly can mind themselves-”

“They’re missing.”

“-for a few more hours.” The Doctor looked down at his hands. “Please, Jamie?”

“Unbelievable,” Jamie said, but the Doctor seemed sure that Ben and Polly weren’t in any sort of immediate danger, and that made him feel better. He sighed. “Aye, all right. But only if you think they’re fine wherever they are.” 

“Oh, I’m positive.” The Doctor was smiling a silly smile. 

Jamie kissed his cheek. It was quick, over before he could think twice or start panicking. 

“What was that for?” the Doctor asked, touching his face where Jamie’d kissed him. 

“I’m your husband, remember?” Jamie said in excuse. It sounded wrong for a second, and then it settled in, and made him too happy. “Let’s get you to your museum, then,” he added, before the Doctor could respond. 

They went down hallway after hallway - the Doctor seemed to know where he was going, and Jamie followed him, like he always did - all the while the Doctor telling Jamie little facts about the planet. There used to be a species of burrowing things here. Creatures, he said. Dug out all sorts of tunnels beneath the surface. He said all the water must be imported from somewhere off-world, because there’s not a drop of it naturally here. Jamie nodded and tried to be interested and it wasn’t hard because honestly he just liked listening to him talk no matter what he was saying. 

The museum was vast, and full of holo-walls and glassed-in displays and dioramas, of old things, artifacts, up on pedestals and on shelves, all labelled with little blocks of text on tiny screens embedded in the walls. 

Jamie wasn’t quite sure where to look. The room was already so big, and he could see archways into other rooms, at least two of them, along the wall. 

The Doctor took him by the arm and led him over to a strange little cube of what looked like sandstone, all carved into and decorated, behind glass.

“What’s this, then?” Jamie looked at it. 

“Oh, I’ve no idea,” the Doctor answered, excited. “I’m sure it’s something fantastic, though. Here. If you hit this on the screen, it’ll read you what’s written there. That’ll explain it. Smart to have it that way, really. Much easier than asking every guest to read it themselves, especially when they’ve got the text that small.”

Jamie knew that, really, the Doctor didn’t have any problem with reading the little things, and he was just making it seem an inconvenience so Jamie would feel better about needing the screen to read it to him. “Thanks, Doctor,” he said quietly, because for whatever reason he couldn’t find it in him to pretend he didn’t know. 

The Doctor smiled at him. “Now, you have fun. Don’t let Ben and Polly worry you, I’m almost certain I know what’s happened.” 

“And you’re not going to tell me, are you?” Jamie knew the Doctor by now, knew just from looking at him whether it was likely he’d give an explanation of something. To have something to do, he pulled the kerchief out of the Doctor’s pocket and folded it up neatly before tucking it back in.

“Well, on the off chance I am wrong, that would be embarrassing, wouldn’t it?” The Doctor was looking down, watching Jamie fuss with his coat pocket. “No, we’ll wait and see. I’ll come and find you; take your time. And don’t just sulk here, look around. There are so many amazing things to see.” 

“I know,” Jamie promised, letting his hands fall back to his sides. “Go on. Find me when you’re done.” 

The Doctor grinned, and pressed a kiss to Jamie’s cheek. 

Jamie laughed, and wondered if this was on its way to becoming one of the little running jokes they played back and forth. He wouldn’t mind. But then the Doctor didn’t skip off to anywhere, and they were just stood there, altogether too close, looking at each other. Jamie wondered if the Doctor was going to kiss him, wondered if he should kiss the Doctor first, and wondered if it had to do with being an alien, how blue the Doctor’s eyes were. He’d not seen eyes that blue on Earth.

But then, finally, the Doctor laughed back, almost nervously, and his face flushed, and he gave Jamie a little pat on the shoulder before flitting away out of sight between exhibits. 

Jamie swallowed, and looked after him for a moment before having the screen read him, in a calm voice, the history of the cube behind the glass. He figured he could dull with artifacts and knowledge the sharp unpleasantness of how tight his chest felt, how warm he’d become. 

After a while, drifting from display to display, he found himself getting genuinely interested in some of the planet’s history. He saw pieces of the creatures the Doctor’d been telling him about on the walk over, the digging ones. Bits of hard wing casing, bits of exoskeleton. The voice from the screen told him that no one had seen them in over a hundred years, since just after settlers came to build their resort on the planet. They’d gone extinct. He pictured them insects, big, strange insects who could dig out tunnels into sandstone.

But then, could insects weave? There were old faded woven rugs as well, hung behind glass and spotlighted. It began to intrigue him, and he understood why it was worth it to the Doctor to put off finding Ben and Polly - and then subsequently leaving - for this. 

He found a place where the lights weren’t quite as bright, and instead of artifacts behind glass, there was just a little screen. It told him that before the planet’s native inhabitants went extinct, the first surveyors and builders for the company had been able to record a bit of what anthropologists and xenoarchaeologists had wagered was language. Then it played him the recording.

Little series of clicks and whistles, that’s what it was. Muted a bit by how strong the wind was blowing when the recording was taken; Jamie’d experienced a bit of that wind on the planet’s surface during the short walk from the TARDIS to the resort. And the recording was obviously tarnished a bit by age, but still, it was something, and it was over a hundred years old, and, Jamie thought, it was pretty. 

There was a music in it, definitely. He had the screen play it again and again and again, until he was able to move his fingers along to what he guessed the notes were as if there was an invisible pipe in his hands. 

That was where he sat, on the bench there in that little hallway, until he heard the Doctor’s voice in the next room over and realized how much time had passed. He looked up, saw the Doctor standing with a few other people, lost in casual conversation. 

The Doctor, who kept looking over briefly at Jamie, gave him a little wave when he realized Jamie saw him. 

Jamie got up and went over, half reluctant to leave the recording. He remembered, just before he settled into his regular spot by the Doctor’s side, that they were married for as long as they were here, and instead he went behind the Doctor, wrapped his arms around the Doctor’s waist, rested his chin on the Doctor’s shoulder. 

“Here he is,” the Doctor said, voice light with laughter. He patted the side of Jamie’s face. “Jamie, this is Lora and Neve. From Montressor.” 

“Oh, aye,” Jamie replied. “I’m Jamie from Earth.” 

The two aliens - they were clearly aliens this close up - passed a charming laugh between them. 

“Jamie-dear, I’ve already told them,” the Doctor said, in a very dinner party tone of voice. “Anyways, it was absolutely lovely talking to the both of you. Neve, please do bring by a copy of your paper, we’ll be here for another few days and I’d love to read it.” 

They exchanged pleasant goodbyes, and the Doctor led Jamie away by the hand. Once they’d found their way out of the labyrinth of museum rooms and were back in the corridor, he added, “Did you have a good time?”

“I did,” Jamie answered, honestly. “Shame about the bugs, though. Died out.” 

“They’re not bugs, not quite,” the Doctor replied with a little laugh, “and I don’t think they’ve died out, either.” 

“But the screens told me-”

“Oh, but the screens are wrong.” The Doctor was smiling That smile, the smile he did when he was sure to get into trouble. “I can prove it to you day after tomorrow.” 

Jamie blinked. “Day after- but I thought we were going for Ben and Polly tonight?”

“We can’t,” the Doctor said with a sigh, although his smile didn’t fade a bit. “The tunnels on the planet respond to the lunar cycle. We’ve caught it at quite a lucky time; now, the lunar cycle here is just a bit under a week.”

“What’s the tunnels have to do with Ben and Polly?” Jamie asked. “You’ve lost me, Doctor.” 

“You’ll see. Day after tomorrow, like I said,” the Doctor insisted. 

Jamie tried to settle his worry for Ben and Polly; again, if they were in danger in any capacity, the Doctor wouldn’t be waiting around like this. “What’re we going to do for a whole day then?”

“We’ve got endless possibilities, Jamie. Just endless. They do have a library.” 

“Ah, a library.” Jamie snorted, trying not to laugh. “Should’ve known.” 

The Doctor ignored him primly, and kept on down the corridor. 

After a bit, Jamie said, “You know they’ve got a tape of what the bugs sounded like when they talked? Of their language?”

“I didn’t know that, Jamie,” the Doctor answered, and stopped walking to look over at him. His voice had taken on a gentle tone that seemed a bit out of place. “Is that where you were all day?”

Jamie felt known, and it was sudden, and he looked down. What he said in reply was, “It sounded like a song.”

“Isn’t that wonderful,” the Doctor said, like he actually thought it was. 

Jamie nodded. 

They stood there in the corridor for a few moments silently - but it wasn’t a bad silence at all - until the Doctor asked, “Shall we do dinner?”

“Aye, let’s do dinner.” 

They did dinner. It was all a bit unfamiliar and fancy for Jamie’s liking, but it wasn’t bad. His drink was nice, almost like wine but not quite. He offered the Doctor a sip at one point and the Doctor told him very politely that he didn’t drink, and then he spent the next five or so minutes thinking about how charming that was. Which, he realized when his critical thinking skills kicked in, was completely ridiculous. He wondered if he’d always been this bad about it or if, because of how they were pretending, everything was manifesting now. 

The Doctor told him more about how the lunar cycle on this planet was short during this season, the moon’s orbit small and quickly travelled. He told him about how that cycle impacted the planet’s surface, allowing for shifts in the sandstone. 

“Like the moon controls the tides on Earth?” Jamie’d asked. 

“Yes, you’re exactly right!” the Doctor’d said, sounding terribly pleased. “Better than I could’ve put it.” 

And then Jamie hadn’t stopped smiling for the next five minutes. 

After a while, when it was late enough that the dim glow of the place was making Jamie feel like he could fall asleep if he wanted, when he just had the last of his wine-ish stuff and the Doctor had fallen to folding his napkin into shapes and then undoing it and going again for a different one, Jamie cleared his throat and said, “Should we-?” and then made a little gesture towards the door. 

For the longest time, the Doctor didn’t look up from his napkin, long enough that Jamie almost repeated himself. Sometimes he had to do that; the Doctor wasn’t the best listener always. 

But after that long moment, the Doctor said, thoughtfully, “Those people at the museum, they said you were handsome.”

Jamie laughed, geared up to make a joke. “Finally someone-”

“And that I’m very lucky,” the Doctor continued, not laughing back, “to have you.” 

Jamie didn’t say anything, not sure where the Doctor was going.

“I am, though,” the Doctor said quietly. “I am lucky, I’m terribly lucky. Hundreds of years. Hundreds. And I’ve never met someone who could tell what I was thinking just by looking, and who was kind to me. It’s always either one or the other, but not with you.”

“I’m just being decent,” Jamie said, overcome with the need to excuse it. But he really didn’t want to. He liked when he and the Doctor shared a look and knew what the other was thinking, and he had no idea why anyone would be unkind to him. He added, “You don’t deserve being treated unkindly.” 

The Doctor looked down at his hands, and said, simply, “Jamie, you’re my best friend. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.” 

“Good,” Jamie said, but he wanted very much to not have a little table between him and the Doctor so he could give him a proper hug. 

“Good?” the Doctor repeated. 

“You know, because you’ll be stuck with me forever and all.” Jamie gave him a smile. “Better you like me.” 

“Ah- yes.” The Doctor held his hands to the sides of his face. “Better indeed.” He took a little breath. “And when you say forever, you mean-”

“I mean forever,” Jamie said solidly. “Or- at least as much of forever as we’ve got. You know.”

“Jamie,” the Doctor murmured. “Oh, Jamie. However did I find you?”

Jamie didn’t know what he was meant to say. Maybe that he loved him, but no, he was sure that was just his own stupid mind giving him stupid thoughts that would mess things up. He almost said it anyway, and caught himself at the last moment. “You made me promise I’d teach you to play pipes,” Jamie reminded him honestly, always opting for humor, which was safe. “Let’s go, it’s late.” 

“Yes, let’s,” the Doctor said, and for whatever reason he didn’t look at Jamie the entire walk up to their room, and didn’t speak until they were outside the door, when he said, “Here’s to a lovely day, then, eh?”

“Aye, it was,” Jamie agreed. “And tomorrow-”

“I know you won’t want to go to a library,” the Doctor said, reading his mind, pushing the door open. “I’m sure there’s lots of other things to do while I’m there, I’ll look and see.”

Jamie looked around the room, taking it in. Simple and nice and with a big window to catch the sunsrise. A little bathroom through a door. A desk. A bed. A few lamps. It was pretty, he thought. Clean, very clean. “No, I’ll stay with you,” he replied absentmindedly, going over to the window. He could see the planet’s moon. It was so much closer and larger than the one back on Earth. 

“Oh, you don’t have to,” the Doctor said, and after closing the door behind him he went and joined Jamie by the window. “My stars, look at that.” 

“It’s beautiful.” Jamie put a few fingers to the glass almost involuntarily. The moon seemed close enough to touch. He knew it was probably thousands of kilometres off, but still. 

“It is, isn’t it.” The Doctor sighed. 

They were quiet for a few moments, and then Jamie said, “I hope Ben and Polly are all right.”

“They’re fine, Jamie.” The Doctor set a hand gently on Jamie’s shoulder. 

“I know, I just-” Jamie stopped. “I hope they can see this.” 

“That’s a nice thought,” the Doctor replied, sincerely but in a way that suggested he didn’t think it was likely. “Jamie, come, let me show you something.” 

Jamie turned and watched as the Doctor went over to the bed, on which he dropped each of the strange little things he pulled from his pockets. He was clearly looking for something, though what for Jamie couldn’t guess. He wanted to go over to him and put an arm about his waist and get too close to him but he had no reason to anymore; they were alone, they didn’t need to fool anyone. 

“Here,” the Doctor said finally, holding up what looked to be a seeing stone - solid all around with a hole in the middle - but made from a funny kind of metal. He tossed it to Jamie. 

Jamie looked down at it, turning it over. “What is it?”

“Look though it out the window,” the Doctor instructed, setting his hands on Jamie’s shoulders and turning him back towards the window. He also gave Jamie’s head a little push down, so Jamie was looking at the planet’s surface rather than the moon. 

“What am I looking for?” Jamie asked, squinting through the thing. It put what he saw in a sort of almost grey-scale, and when he moved everything through the device swam weirdly, in a way that made him dizzy. 

“Just look about. Tell me when you see something.”

“When I see what?” Jamie insisted, knowing he wouldn’t get an answer. He looked here and there, even though the planet’s surface all looked the same, and even though looking through the seeing stone thing was giving him vertigo. Then he spotted something, a little dot of light, like a star had fallen and was just sitting there. “Wait, there’s- what is that?”

“That’s Ben and Polly,” the Doctor said from somewhere nearby, sounding relieved. “I’m glad you could find them.”

“But how’s that Ben and Polly?” Jamie asked, staring at the little glowing spot. It was some way off from where they were, down on the planet’s surface. “Are they out there? Why didn’t I see them when I-”

“They’re beneath the surface, Jamie. In the tunnels,” the Doctor explained. “What you’ve got is a spyglass that shows you chronons, particles you pick up when you travel in time. Ben and Polly have spent quite a bit of time in the TARDIS, so they’re probably just shining with chronons.”

“Aye, they are,” Jamie said, not sure he understood it but glad to see them, even if it was in a weird, distant way. “And they’re all right down there?”

“I’m sure. May I have a look?”

Jamie made to gave it to him, and realized that he was so dizzy he nearly fell. 

“Oh, steady on,” the Doctor said, grabbing his arm. 

“It makes you see funny, that thing,” Jamie told him, in defense. 

“I know it does,” the Doctor replied. “There’s a trick to it that keeps you from getting that vertigo, I’d teach it you if I ever thought we’d need it again.”

Jamie went and sat on the bed, next to all the strange things the Doctor kept in his pockets. Wire, string, rubber bands. A crumpled up piece of paper, as well as a little notebook. A few pens, a few pencils. A few alien things Jamie couldn’t make head nor tail of. Jamie thought that maybe one day he should take the Doctor’s coat and try to make something ordered of all its contents. He absentmindedly tried sorting through the things on the bed for a few moments, but couldn’t focus on it for long, pulled back to watching how the moonlight fell on the Doctor’s hair. 

After what seemed like a rather long while, the Doctor came away from the window, putting his seeing stone back into his pocket and coming over to the bed to gather everything else back up as well. 

“What are they doing down there?” Jamie asked, after a spell of watching the Doctor fumble with all his silly pocket accoutrements. “Polly and Ben, I mean.” 

“I think they found those creatures you were listening to today,” the Doctor answered, sweeping his hands over the blanket to make sure he hadn’t missed anything. “Still alive, just hidden deep in their tunnels. It’s a fear of industry, of materialism. It’s- well, it’s common sense. And you know them, ever curious. They must’ve spotted something and followed it down.” 

“Ben’s not fond of insects,” Jamie murmured, but honestly, he was happy he knew enough now to at least picture them safe. Then he remembered he’d resolved to hug the Doctor at dinner, so he got up and did. 

The Doctor laughed, surprised. He said, “Hello, Jamie,” and touched a hand to the back of Jamie’s head. 

“No reason, just because,” Jamie said, because knew the Doctor was about to ask why. 

And that made the Doctor laugh more, and hold Jamie tighter. After a moment he asked, “Do you reckon you need sleep?”

“Probably.” Jamie let go of him, realizing that he’d definitely been behaving out of sorts, letting his thoughts and this stupid acting thing get to him, and if it was enough for the Doctor to comment on then he really ought to take the hint and go to bed. “Which side do you want?”

“Oh, you don’t mind then? Sharing the bed?”

“Not if you don’t,” said Jamie, and wondered if he’d regret it. 

“I don’t.” 

“Then I don’t either.” 

“Good, because the floor doesn’t look very comfortable,” the Doctor said, eyeing it. 

“Well, I would’ve taken the floor,” Jamie assured him quickly. “I wouldn’t make you sleep there.” 

The Doctor laughed. “Neither of us has to sleep there now.” 

“Good,” Jamie mumbled.

“Good,” the Doctor echoed. 

They each did their own before-bed things in silence, and while Jamie took off his wrist watch, he realized he’d never seen the Doctor without his braces before. It made him look like a regular man, rather than some… something. Jamie wasn’t sure what to make of it, but it certainly made the thought of sleeping by him seem more solid and more actual. 

The fact of it was, when they were both in bed and the lights were out, it wasn’t awkward or difficult or strange at all, which Jamie’d banked on it being, at least a bit. It was the easiest most natural thing in the world. And that, of course, was terrible. Jamie needed there to be something faulty about it so he could tell himself that he’d done it and it was nothing special and that he can stop daydreaming about it. But there wasn’t anything.

It was safe and it was comfortable and it was so reassuring that if he stretched an arm out to his right he’d find the Doctor. He imagined for a minute that he’d turn to face the Doctor and the Doctor would be facing him and it would be so dark that it wouldn’t matter if they kissed, maybe just once or twice. But, no, that was ridiculous, and it was ridiculous that the thought of it sunk into him so, like it could maybe actually happen. Well, maybe it could, he thought briefly. They’d already talked more, and more honestly, than they ever really had on one of these adventures. But, no, it was embarrassing that he even floated the idea, and now he was being dumb as well as stupid. 

He turned so he was facing away from the Doctor and towards the moon shining through the window and tried to make himself fall asleep. 


	2. not acting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if you think these guys could ever actually make themselves sustain a slowburn you are wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they're just sappy people aren't they.. that's just how they are..

When Jamie woke up, he was alone in bed. He had a little panic, because if the Doctor wasn’t with him then he could be off somewhere getting into trouble, and he sat up too quickly, and then he heard the Doctor laughing at him from the desk across the room. He sighed, and dropped back into bed, turning over. “Why’re you up so early?” he asked. 

“Oh, I’m not. You’re just up late.” The Doctor sounded cheery. “Good morning.” 

“Good morning back,” Jamie muttered. 

“I brought you up a cup of tea, but I’m afraid it’s gone cold.” 

“Just wake me up next time,” said Jamie, before he could catch himself. There wouldn’t be a next time, not unless they played these roles again, and that was unlikely. The dread that came along with saying it woke him up better than probably anything else could’ve. He should say something, he knew. He had to. To excuse it or so they could laugh it off. He didn’t know what, though. His mind was empty. 

But the Doctor said, “Will do. It’s just that you looked like you were having a good dream, and I didn’t want to ruin it.”

“Thanks for that,” Jamie replied, wary. He was sure the Doctor hadn’t meant that they’d do this again, he just wasn’t overthinking everything like Jamie was. He sat up again, this time at his own pace. “What’re you reading?”

“The fellow I introduced you to at the museum was kind enough to bring their thesis paper by,” the Doctor answered. “Truly interesting stuff. Stacked dimensions. Dark matter. The like.” 

“Aye, right,” Jamie said, wondering if dark matter meant like shadows. “Library today?”

The Doctor turned in his chair to look at Jamie, and a soft little smile touched his face. “Yes, but you absolutely don’t need to come with. I know it’s not quite your place of preference.”

“I already told you, I don’t mind.” Jamie reached over and took a sip of the tea on the bedside table. The Doctor’d been right; it was dead cold. “I’ll probably even learn something; you know that when you read you say the bits you’re excited about out loud?”

“I do not,” the Doctor argued, and he folded his arms over the back of his desk chair so as to fully face Jamie. 

“You do too,” Jamie told him. He got out of bed and after a moment’s consideration tucked the sheets back in and smoothed the blankets. “I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, it’s-” No, he was not about to say it was cute, even if it was. He couldn’t lose the habit of catching himself on these things, these little impulses and thoughts. “I like it,” he finished. 

“Ah,” the Doctor said, and turned back to reading his research paper. “I’m ready to go whenever you do up your shirt, then.” 

So Jamie set about buttoning his shirt, and he couldn’t get it out of his head that even though they weren’t pretending right now, this had to be what being married was like. Wasn’t it? It had to be; the Doctor’d got up early and brought him tea. It made his chest feel warm. Of course, it was all in his head, but still. It was everything he’d pictured, not that he’d ever own up to picturing this. When his shirt was done and tidy he went over and put a hand on the back of the Doctor’s chair, trying to make sense of the research paper over the Doctor’s shoulder. 

He couldn’t, of course. He could pick out letters, but not the words they made, and some of the words on the page were as long as his thumb, even printed small as they were. It was ridiculous, he decided. No one needed words that long. 

“With the known matter of the universe being composed as it is of baryonic particles,” the Doctor said, “accounting for that remaining twenty-seven percent has to be something non-baryonic.”

“I told you you read out loud,” Jamie said quietly, half not wanting to interrupt. 

“I thought you might have wanted to know,” the Doctor replied, looking up at him. 

“What’s baryonic particles?” Jamie asked, not because the definition would actually clarify anything for him but to show how grateful he was that the Doctor thought to do that for him. 

“Everything you can see and touch and hear and feel in the universe,” the Doctor answered, and stood from his chair, clasping his hands together. “And that’s just five percent of it all. There’s so much people in this time have yet to figure out. Library?”

“Aye, sure.” Jamie looked down, weighed his options. Then he asked, “Can you do that there? What you just did?”

The Doctor regarded Jamie. “You want me to read to you?”

Jamie nodded. “Whatever you want to read, I don’t mind what it is.” 

“That sounds splendid,” the Doctor returned, and he reached a hand out like he was going to touch Jamie’s cheek but thought better of it, and instead just patted his shoulder. “I’ve got biscuits in my pocket,” he added, “if you’d like them for breakfast. I found them again last night when I took everything out.” 

Jamie said that that sounded fine, and grabbed the Doctor’s coat when they left because the Doctor himself had forgotten it on his way out the door. 

The library was nowhere near as impressive as the museum. Just as big, but there was nothing bright or eye-catching. It was just books, and why they’d need books when the rest of the resort had holo-technology Jamie had no idea. Maybe it was a prestige thing. Antiques! Real print books! The more he thought about it, the snootier it seemed. Books were just holopads that were less accessible. He was sure he’d feel differently, though, if he could read better, so he tried not to be too judgy. 

He followed the Doctor through corridors made from bookshelves, and wondered if it would be improper to take a nap here. The lights were so dim, it seemed suited for it. He offered to carry the books the Doctor was pulling from shelves here and there. 

The Doctor gave him a quiet little, “Yes, that would be lovely,” and deposited his books into Jamie’s arms. “Would you rather listen to building history or anthropology?”

“Anthropology, I guess,” Jamie answered, even though he didn’t care one way or another.

They ended up tucked away in one of the far corners of the library, the Doctor sitting at one end of a little sofa and Jamie half draped over him, head on his shoulder. The books he wasn’t reading sat in a pile next to the sofa. 

Jamie’d be lying if he said the book wasn’t at least a touch boring, but it didn’t matter. He’d be more than happy to hear about the planet’s pre-colonization society for ever and ever if he could stay here like this the whole time. 

Sometimes, the Doctor would add in his own little notes between sentences, and sometimes he’d finish reading a statistic and murmur, “Goodness, isn’t that something,” or another exclamation along those lines. 

Just personally, Jamie thought it was the sweetest thing in the world. After a while, he picked up the Doctor’s free hand with both of his and turned it this way and that, just for something to do. He’d always admired the Doctor’s hands; they were strong, and pretty.

The Doctor shot him a glance, but kept reading.

And Jamie didn’t want to be distracting, so he just laced his and the Doctor’s fingers together and stopped fidgeting. As it turned out, he’d really done himself in, because as time went by the Doctor started running his thumb absentmindedly in gentle circles over the back of Jamie’s hand. For whatever stupid reason, this of all things was what made Jamie’s face feel exceedingly hot, made him so flustered he wasn’t sure he’d be able to speak if he had to. 

The Doctor moved from pre-colonization textiles to pre-colonization flora. Then, in the middle of a sentence, he set the book down in his lap and said, “Jamie, what are we doing?”

“Reading about plants,” Jamie answered, and knew that the Doctor wasn’t really asking about that at all. He realized he’d sort of been waiting for the other shoe to drop, dreading the thought that he actually had to address how he’d been acting. He dropped the Doctor’s hand, and sat away from him. 

“Jamie-”

“I’m acting,” Jamie said sharply, standing up. “You and I both agreed to do this act, and it’s not my fault I’m a good actor.”

“Who are you acting for, Jamie? Look around,” said the Doctor, and he sounded upset. “We’re alone, there’s no reason to be doing- that-”

“There is a reason,” Jamie argued, and then his breath caught in his throat and he felt like he might die if he said another word. He turned on his heel and walked away, taking as many turns down aisles as he could, until he was sure it would take the Doctor a while to find him. 

He stood there, surrounded by books, waiting until he couldn’t hear his heartbeat anymore. He was sure there was a lie he could’ve told to explain it away, he just hadn’t been thinking, and the more he thought about it now the more he realized that he didn’t want to lie anyway. He liked things being this way; he liked holding the Doctor’s hand and he liked the way the Doctor had kissed his cheek and he hadn’t stopped thinking about how the Doctor’d called him ‘Jamie-dear’, not once, and he’d very much like to be called that again. But it was more than that, it was how they understood each other without having to say anything, and how when they’d been apart, seeing the Doctor again was the best thing in the world, and it was that Jamie loved him, probably more than anything.

If he’d ever had a chance to say something about it, he realized, it was then, and he’d just walked away from it. 

He walked along the shelves he’d hidden amongst, trying to sound out book titles in his head so he didn’t feel like the world was ending. It didn’t work very well. 

He figured he’d have to explain it sooner or later, and he’d handled it absolutely terribly. But he wasn’t a coward, so he sat down with his back against a bookshelf and called, “Doctor? Hey, Doctor, I’m here.” 

After a minute, the Doctor came around the corner and said, “For heaven’s sake, Jamie.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Jamie mumbled. 

“Are you all right?” The Doctor sat opposite him. 

Jamie nodded. He owed it to the Doctor to be honest, at least, so he said, “Don’t call me foolish or look at me like I’m making you sad, got it?”

“Of course I won’t,” the Doctor promised, even though as he said it he was looking at Jamie like he was the most terrible tragedy. 

“It’s just that I like what- I’m- I know we’re playing pretend, but what we’re doing here feels like it fits.” Jamie sighed. He might as well say everything; he couldn’t exactly get back up and run away again. “And I do- I do care for you that way. You know, don’t you? You’re a clever man, you can’t not know.” 

“I’m really not,” the Doctor said softly. “I mean, I did think- but I thought that was me just being-” He cleared his throat and looked down. 

“Being what?”

“Being silly, I don’t know.” 

Jamie wasn’t sure what else he could say, and he was beginning to think that it had been a mistake to say anything at all. 

“Is it because I brought you away from the war or because I can bring you through time?” The Doctor asked it like those were the only two options. 

“No, it’s not either.” Jamie wondered if that was genuinely all the Doctor thought Jamie saw in him. He’d have to be so thick to think that, but, then, sometimes he was. “It’s because you tell me the worst jokes I’ve ever heard in my life, you know? And because you won’t get a coat that fits you, and you never walk away when people need help even if you’re scared. Plus, you’ve got the prettiest eyes in the world.” Jamie could feel his cheeks flush. “And I’m- I can’t say it all, I’d run out of daylight. It’s-” He looked down at his hands. “I don’t think it’s about the TARDIS or about how you saved my life, I think it’s just about you.”

After the longest time, the Doctor said, quietly, “My jokes aren’t all that bad.” 

“Yes, they are.” Jamie laughed a bit, and looked up at him, saw he had his hands held to the sides of his face. Jamie gave his foot a little nudge with his own. 

“Jamie, I love you so dearly.” The Doctor finally made eye contact with him, and he looked dead serious. 

Jamie forgot to breathe for a moment. He wasn’t sure he’d ever been told that before, and certainly not the way the Doctor said it, which was in that way of saying things he had where he made whatever he said sound like the most gentle thing Jamie’d heard in his life. He was pretty sure he’d also never really been looked at like how the Doctor was looking at him now.

“You’re the bravest person I’ve ever met, and I’ve met quite- er, quite a lot of people,” the Doctor continued. “You’ve got so much hope in you, Jamie, and you make me want to be better. I tried to tell you yesterday, you know. That I love you.”

“Why didn’t you?” Jamie asked. He felt like he might do something stupid, like start crying. 

“It’s difficult, if you hadn’t noticed. I didn’t want to mess anything up. I called you my best friend instead, which I suppose is true.” The Doctor was smiling a relieved little smile now, and it was settling into both of them that they’d been worried over nothing. 

Jamie smiled back. “I’d hope so.”

“This pretending business was killing me because I think it would be terrible to go back to normal,” the Doctor confessed. “I don’t know why I thought I could.”

“Let’s just not.” Jamie couldn’t make himself stop smiling if he tried.

“That’s a novel idea,” the Doctor said softly. “Jamie.” 

“Doctor.” Jamie gave him another little nudge. Then he said, “You realize I’ll be worse than ever, don’t you? I’ll be like Ben is with Polly, that’s how bad it’ll be.” 

“Whatever you like,” the Doctor said. “Just don’t call me Duchess.” 

Jamie laughed - it was a funny thought - and leaned across and kissed him. After a moment, he felt the Doctor’s hand in his hair, and felt he might die right then. It was the most natural thing in the world, and it was all so soft and warm, and he couldn’t believe he was kissing the Doctor. He leaned back, so he could breathe, and said, “You know when I knew?”

The Doctor gave a little shake of his head, and let his hand fall to the side of Jamie’s neck. 

“It was when we were in the Colony, and Ben was all strange from breathing that gas,” Jamie continued, thinking of it. “He called the guards and turned you in and I was- I thought it’d kill me if they took you away. I mean, it was before that, too, but that was really… and then I knew for certain when we were getting marched to our deaths the next day and you had it in you to crack a joke about the music they had playing.”

“Did I?” the Doctor sounded faintly embarrassed. He was looking at Jamie like he was the whole world and all the stars too. 

“Aye, you did.” Then Jamie pulled him into a hug, and held him as tight as he could. He figured he could stay here forever, sitting tangled up with the Doctor on the library floor. He ran a hand up into the Doctor’s hair, and realized that he was really, terribly in love. And he’d been in love before, but just now it was landing with him that if they were both back where he was born, and if it wouldn’t have gotten him hanged, he’d have built the Doctor a house for the both of them to live in. He hid his face on the Doctor’s shoulder, and asked, “And you’re sure this isn’t in my head? I’m not imagining it?”

“I hope not,” the Doctor answered softly. “No, it mustn’t be, because I was about to ask you if I was the one imagining it.”

“What if we just dream the same thing?” Jamie asked, not caring the answer, just talking to talk, because talking with the Doctor was the best thing in the world. 

“That seems like something we’d do,” the Doctor admitted. “That would be just like us.” He found Jamie’s hand and held it. 

Jamie sat back and looked at him. “Why’re you always so cold? Your hands are always cold.”

“I’m all always cold,” the Doctor replied. “My temperature’s just a good bit lower than yours or other humans’. To me, you’re always warm.” 

Jamie considered. It was funny to actually think of the Doctor as not human, even though he very clearly wasn’t. “I’ll share with you, then,” he decided, and took the Doctor’s free hand and held it to the side of his face. 

“I’m very happy we can talk, you know,” the Doctor said, and he was rubbing Jamie’s cheek with his thumb. 

“Just in general?”

That made the Doctor laugh, and he said, “No, I mean honestly and about tricky things. Things like this. You know. I can trust you to talk to, and I hope very much that you can trust me.”

“What’ve I just been doing here?” Jamie pointed out. “No, I do trust you. More than anything in the world, I think.” He saw the look on the Doctor’s face, and insisted, “I do.” 

“Are you sure that’s not a mistake?” 

“You’d better not make it one.” Jamie said it in jest, but he thought for a second about how the Doctor did have a lot of things he wouldn’t tell him. Where he was from, for one. What he actually was. Jamie decided that it didn’t matter, and that he’d know when he needed to know, and he kissed the Doctor again. 

The Doctor kissed him back, and kissed his forehead as well, and said, “I won’t, I promise.” 

Jamie was happier than he could ever remember being. Everything was all right. Everything was perfect, really. He felt like he’d never be cold again, even with the Doctor’s hand on his face. He was about fit to say hang everything, hang Ben and Polly and anything that wasn’t him and the Doctor right here and right now. “Lord, I love you,” he said quietly. 

“Jamie,” the Doctor sighed. 

“What?” Jamie took the Doctor’s handkerchief out of his pocket, and was folding it absentmindedly. 

“I love you back.” 

Jamie grinned, looking down. He finished messing with the Doctor’s handkerchief and put it back, neatly folded. “Do you want to go finish your book?”

The Doctor laughed, which made Jamie laugh too, and then he said, “No, I’m afraid I couldn’t focus for the world right now.” 

“Me too,” Jamie agreed. “Me either. Whichever it is. Let’s go and pretend to be married.” He begrudgingly untangled himself from the Doctor and stood, pulling the Doctor up with him, because he was still holding one of his hands and didn’t plan to let go any time soon. 

“Pretend?”

“Aye, pretend. We’re not married, don’t get too ahead of yourself.”

The Doctor looked at Jamie, and Jamie looked back, and then they were laughing, so hard they had to lean on one another, shoulder to shoulder, for support. 

Finally, the Doctor gave a little cough and said, “Yes. Let us go pretend to be married.” 


	3. and so on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> because it's not really a happy ending until we know it works for their real life too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the closest this fic gets to plot-heavy and really it's not that close ✌️

That night, the Doctor’d taken a look at the moon and determined that they’d be all right to go after Ben and Polly. 

They’d spent the rest of the day nearly stupid with the joy of being able to act on love, and Jamie couldn’t believe it was all really happening. He still kept half-doubting it, thinking it was a dream or imagination or still make-pretend, even now as he set off with the Doctor across the planet’s strange, honeycombed surface towards where the chronometer - that was the Doctor’s name for his little spyglass - had showed Ben and Polly. 

Wind tore across the ground, sometimes strong enough it felt like it was pulling the air out from Jamie’s lungs. He stayed close to the Doctor, holding the Doctor’s hand tight, ready to pull him back if he got too close to any of the gaps in the ground that seemed to have opened out of nowhere. 

It really was as if the rock were the sea, pulled to a new shape by that brilliant moon. And in some places, the sandstone was still shifting; eerie scraping noises were sometimes audible over the wind as the rock moved itself in accordance with that lunar cycle the Doctor’d gone on about. 

It was all strange, and during the day the wind was fine but now it was freezing, and he hoped Ben and Polly weren’t too cold where they were. 

They were standing in front of one of those gaps, the tunnel entrances, and the Doctor said, “I think this is the right one.” 

“What if it isn’t?” Jamie asked, and he found he nearly had to yell so the wind didn’t carry his words away. 

“We’ll come back up and try again with a different one, I suppose,” the Doctor replied. 

“Wait-” Jamie said quickly, before the Doctor could try to find a way down. It had come up on him suddenly, but now he was trapped by the sense that all this, being in love with the Doctor and being able to say it, was all only alright so long as they were alone here, and the moment they found Ben and Polly and things went back to normal it would be gone. He couldn’t figure out how to voice it without sounding pathetic. 

“What?” the Doctor asked, the wind blowing his hair this way and that, making him look even more disarrayed than usual. 

Jamie balked. “Just- let me go down first, is all. Might be dangerous.” 

“If you must.” The Doctor laughed. “Watch your step, though.” 

“Aye, I will,” Jamie promised, and felt his way gingerly down into the tunnel. Once he’d found the floor of it, he held a hand up to help the Doctor down as well. It was odd; down in the tunnel, the wind was muted, and everything seemed almost too still and too quiet. 

He didn’t let go of the Doctor’s hand, staying close to him. The more they slipped towards their regular adventure procedure, what with sneaking around some alien place in the dark, the more Jamie felt like what happened in the library was something he dreamed up, and that it wouldn't translate at all to their real life. 

“Do you think we should give a shout for them?” the Doctor whispered. 

They’d edged nervously out of the pool of moonlight at the tunnel’s entrance, and now the darkness ahead of them was so absolute and so solid Jamie felt if he reached out he’d be able to touch it like he could a wall. It put him on edge. “Do you think we should?”

He felt the Doctor give a little shrug next to him that let him know he was just as spooked as Jamie was himself. 

But why not? Jamie was no coward - although he did wait a moment to see if the Doctor would do it himself first - and he called, “Hey, Polly? Ben? Are-” 

Before he could finish, something big caught him across the chest so hard he fell against the tunnel wall. 

* * *

When Jamie woke up, there was light, and someone had a hand in his hair. He blinked, adjusting. The hand belonged to Polly, who was sitting next to where he lay, on a rug like the ones hanging in the resort’s museum. The Doctor and Ben sat at the other end of the rug a meter or so away with- something.

It was big, probably eight feet or taller were it to stand at its full height, and slowly, Jamie recognized it piece by piece, matching parts of its body with the fragments of the creatures that had been on display in the museum. The piece of exoskeleton matched this creature’s shoulder; the tiny torn bit of gossamer wing behind glass panelling had come from a wing like the ones on this thing, except for in their entirety those wings draped about its shoulders like a fairy cloak. 

He realized he was staring around when he realized the creature was staring back, its eyes huge and seemingly hard as the rest of its body. 

“I am so sorry,” it said. “I did not mean to hurt you- I did not know you were a friend of Ben’s.”

Jamie sat up. “No harm done,” he told it warily. He knew it was something funny the TARDIS did that made it so he could understand the creature, but part of him wished he could hear those odd clicks it was really speaking in, the language in its original form. “I’ve taken far worse.” 

“Jamie,” the Doctor said, turning away from Ben, who, now that Jamie noticed it, looked furious, cheeks having gone red with it. “I told you he was strong.” The Doctor said that bit to the creature, and he said it with such pride it made Jamie grin before he could catch himself. 

“He says that now,” Polly murmured to Jamie, laying her hands on his shoulders and then resting her chin on one of her hands in a kind of hug-from-behind. “He was the first one to worry his head nearly off while you were out. Hi, by the way.” 

“Hullo,” Jamie replied, and reached back to touch her arm for a moment. The light, he realized, was coming from a little lamp-type thing that hung from a woven tube which seemingly went up through the roof of the tunnel. “How has your holiday been?”

“Well, I’ve spent the entire week underground,” Polly replied, as the Doctor and the creature went back to talking with Ben. “Not exactly what I had in mind when you sent us off for a bit of a vacation. But not all bad. Sina and the others down here- it’s not really fair, what the settlers who built the resort did to them.”

“The Doctor said they were frightened underground when the settlers first arrived,” Jamie said quietly, trying to tune into what the creature - Sina? - was saying, as well as listen to Polly’s response. 

“That’s right, sort of.” Polly sighed. “Listen, it’s- Ben’s gotten a bit too- I don’t know.” 

Jamie looked over at Ben, whose neck was flushed with anger. 

“No, growing up where I grew up you see this kind of- this stuff- you see it again and again and again and it’s always the bleedin’ same,” Ben was saying, talking more to the Doctor than to Sina. “You’ve got regular people, real decent, hardworking people, just trying to live. And then someone with money comes in and finds something valuable about the place these people got.” Condescension and hate were practically dripping from his words. “And they make it so the people whose home it was can’t even afford to live there anymore. Whole communities just made to disappear like that, because they can’t bloody stay. And that’s exactly what’s happening here.”

The Doctor began cautiously, “Ben-”

“It’s what’s _been_ happening here,” Ben continued. He threw a hand out, gesturing at Sina. “These people can’t even live on their world anymore, they have to live under it, and they can only see the surface once a week if that- I can’t do this, I’m-” He stood quickly from the rug and walked to the edge of the lamplight, pressing his hands over his face and muttering muted curses. 

Polly gave Jamie’s shoulders a squeeze and then got up, following Ben and walking with him down the tunnel a ways. 

Jamie watched them go for a second, and considered trying to talk to Ben as well. He had a bit to say on what Ben’d been on about, but he knew the Doctor would tell him that calming Ben down was more important than egging him on, no matter how much he might be right. And, lord, he was right. 

Instead, Jamie went over to the Doctor and Sina. He couldn’t really stop thinking about the compatibility of his and the Doctor’s regular life and their life these past few days, and he came to the conclusion that things would only have to go back to normal if he wasn’t brave enough to let himself love the Doctor when people he knew were looking. And he wasn’t a coward, not really. After a moment’s hesitation, he sat behind the Doctor, wrapped his arms around the Doctor’s waist, set his chin on the Doctor’s shoulder. “Would one of you mind letting me know what’s happening?”

The Doctor reached up and touched a hand to the side of Jamie’s face. “Introductions first, maybe? Jamie, this is Sina. She and her people are the original inhabitants of this planet.” 

“Aye, I put that together,” Jamie replied. “Hello, Sina.”

“And Sina, this is Jamie, my- well, my partner?” The Doctor sounded unsure. 

“Right.” Jamie felt so light he was almost dizzy, and he pressed his mouth to the Doctor’s shoulder to hide his smile, which he couldn’t get a handle on no matter how hard he tried. So. It was all going to be okay. 

“Jamie, I am sorry for making you sleep,” Sina said, and even through the translation she sounded distressed. “Settlers have not always been kind.” 

Jamie lifted his head enough to speak clearly. “I already said it’s fine, I can’t even feel it anymore.” That was a bit of a lie; he was a little sore, but nothing near bad enough to complain about. “Sina, what’s happening?”

She tilted her head back and forth, as if physically stirring the thoughts in her head. “Your friends Ben and Polly found us when our homes opened last cycle.”

“Last week,” the Doctor clarified, “right after we dropped them off.” 

“At first they frightened us, but then we saw they would not hurt us. We told them about how we lost the planet, and how the settlers take it up now,” Sina continued. “Ben promised he would help us take our home aboveground back.”

“And Sina was just telling me about how the resort was built above tunnels like the one we’re in now,” the Doctor added. “Their water storage pipes and other crucial things run through tunnels we can get to from where we are. She can take us to them.” 

“Ah.” Jamie snorted. “What was it the fellow at the Colony called it- damage of property? That’s what you’re thinking, isn’t it.”

The Doctor laughed a pleased little laugh. “Destruction of property, Jamie-dear.” 

“Oh, aye, of course.” And this was even better than all that in the library, because this was their real life. This was them in the middle of a mad adventure about to break a law, and the Doctor still loved him. 

Sina tapped her clawed little front legs together nervously. “We do not want to hurt them,” she said. “Just to make them leave.” 

“If we keep their resort from working, most of them will leave,” the Doctor assured her. “At least for a little while. And hurting their property isn’t hurting them personally. They’ll have to send someone down into the tunnel to fix the damage, and that’s when you can talk to them. You mustn’t attack them like you did Jamie; you have to try to talk to them, and get them to understand what they took from you, because, Sina, here’s the thing: they think you’ve gone extinct.” 

Sina was quiet for a moment, and then asked, “What?”

“For a hundred years,” Jamie told her. “They have this museum up there full of things about you and it said you died out a hundred years ago.” 

“But they must know that we are still here,” Sina protested. 

“Personally, I believe they do. People who do things like settle other people’s planets will do anything to change narratives around their actions. To avoid guilt, you know.” The Doctor’d found Jamie’s hands with one of his, and was running his fingers over Jamie’s knuckles. “The only thing you can do is confront them with what actually happened and hope they’ll own up to it and start trying to make good.”

“What if they do not?”

“Then you’re a good deal stronger than they are,” the Doctor said, voice becoming quiet, conspiratorial, “and I think you’d be in the right if you wanted to toss them around a bit until they do. I’m going to go after Ben and Polly, and then we’ll all go to the water storage lines together.” He stood up, laid a hand on top of Jamie’s head for a moment, and then walked off. 

Jamie sat quietly, watching Sina, and feeling her do the same. After a while, he said, “I like your language; I think it’s- I’ve not heard anything like it before in my life, other than music.” 

“You speak it very well,” Sina replied. “I had never heard humans speak our language before your friends arrived.” 

Jamie considered telling her about the TARDIS, but that would be a whole nother bunch of explaining that would probably amount to not very much actual understanding, so he just said, “Thank you.” 

“But- your partner is not human, is he?”

“Er, no,” Jamie answered, nearly tripped up by the thrill of hearing the Doctor referred to that way, and also a little surprised at how easily it fit. And it was different from when they were pretending, too, because it was honest now, and real, and it still seemed just as good. “He’s from- somewhere else.” He found himself vaguely embarrassed that he didn't know exactly where that somewhere was, but Sina didn’t seem to mind. 

She nodded her head, and said that she could tell. 

In a few minutes, the Doctor came back with Polly and Ben, who looked markedly calmer than he’d been when he left. “All right,” he said. “Up we get, you two. Sina, we’ll follow your lead.” 

They did follow her, through the twists and turns beneath the planet’s surface. There weren’t many more of those lamps, and it was so dark that they took to holding onto one another’s hands in a row, Ben at the front with a hand on Sina’s arm. Sina’s eyes functioned fine in darkness; she said that it was less about light and more about frequencies, vibrations, that contributed to her vision. 

Jamie held tight to Polly’s hand, and to the Doctor’s, and tried not to stumble as they went along. He wondered whether he should tell Polly about him and the Doctor. Not now, but when things calmed down and they got back to the ship. But then, she’d never told him in so many words about her and Ben, he could just see that for himself. 

Then he was stuck thinking about what people saw then they looked at him and the Doctor, until he nearly bumped into Polly’s back, not realizing they’d stopped. He asked, “Is this it?”

There was a soft glow far off down the tunnel, nothing like Sina’s lamp. Instead, it was a colder, more anbaric light. 

“This light guards the settler’s wires and pipes,” Sina said quietly. “If you pass a certain point, you start to hurt. I will go as near as I can.” 

She edged forwards, and slowly, as they approached the pipes, a quiet but persistent buzzing grew more and more pronounced. 

“It’s an electric field,” the Doctor whispered. “Don’t touch it, nobody touch it. They do know your people are still here, Sina, or else why would they guard their power lines?” He fumbled around in his pockets, searching for something. 

Jamie tore his eyes away from the electric field’s strange glow in order to remind himself, again, to sort and order the Doctor’s pockets one day, preferably sooner than later. 

“Here,” the Doctor finished, pulling out his screwdriver. “I can’t shut it off, but I think I can damage the pipes from here. Steady on, everyone.” He held the device out, and an even stranger buzzing sound filled the air. 

Jamie watched carefully as bolts on the pipes beyond the electric field came unscrewed seemingly all by themselves, and dropped to the ground one after the other, like large, heavy raindrops. It seemed like magic; he loved it.

A hissing started up, and then steam began to rush from connector joints in the pipes. 

“I rather think we’d better go,” the Doctor said, speaking loudly in order to be heard over the growing cacophony coming from behind the electric field. “Come on.”

And then they were tearing off back down the tunnel, and before the light faded behind them Jamie didn’t miss the vindicated look on Ben’s face, or how Sina didn’t run, she flew, unfolding those wings from her back. He didn’t miss how Polly reached for Ben’s hand the moment they started running, and he most definitely didn’t miss how he and the Doctor did the same, and at the same time as one another too, so much so they had to fumble for a moment before they caught proper hold of each other. And Jamie was laughing, not because it was that funny, really, but because there was a lot of adrenaline in him and because there were a limited number of ways to really express the kind of joy he had going through him, and laughing was the one he went for. He kept laughing until he had to stop for lack of breath. 

When they reached Sina’s place, and the warm lamplight welcomed them in, and they all made it through those first few moments of getting their breath back, Ben said, “That felt really good.” 

Jamie nodded, and the Doctor said, “It did, didn’t it?” and Polly pulled Ben into a tight hug. 

“Thank you,” Sina said, her voice quiet. She moved a little closer to them all. “I will do something with this chance, I- I will not waste it.” 

“Good.” The Doctor gave her a smile. “I think it’s best we go now, we don’t want them up at the resort to put two and two together and try to find us.” 

And as they went together to the mouth of the tunnel, they moved slowly, holding onto each little thread of conversation, taking their time with each thing they said. Sometimes it was like this at the end of their stays places, Jamie had realized. Often, they had to make a quick getaway, and didn’t have time to let things linger, but sometimes there was this sense - like now - of trying to hold onto a place, and onto the people they met there, the things that happened there. 

Sina went along with them, and Ben kept a hand on one of her arms nearly the whole way. It was funny, because usually he wouldn’t be caught dead near anything that looked like an insect. But then, it was also sweet, and it got Jamie thinking about how people like Ben and Polly could make little homes everywhere they went, whether it be when they felt safe enough to sleep in an open space somewhere they landed, or whether it be with people they got so quickly attached to, like Ben had with Sina. And, he reasoned, like Polly had with him, nearly a year ago. 

He wasn’t able to do that. He didn’t have whatever it was in Ben and Polly that made them able to shift themselves so quickly, updating their identities like adopting a new sense of dress. There’s none would say he wasn’t adaptable - he was, probably more so than most. He knew that. It was just he’d never been able to think of anything as a home besides his home, his old home, out on Skye. There, Scotland, that was home, and that was it. 

Except now he realized, as he half-listened to the Doctor talking about cave formations, if everything were to go back to the way it was before he went along with the Doctor, it wouldn’t be. Even if everything was exactly the same as it was, even before the war, it wouldn’t be home unless the Doctor was there too. For the first time in his life, the notion of home had changed, and it wasn’t really even a place anymore, it was a person. 

It was a lot to process, but it happened easily, and he didn’t mind. Just like everything, it felt like it fit. He was far too lost in his own thoughts to keep up with what the Doctor was saying, but he reached over and took the Doctor’s hand as gently as he could, slowly interlocking his fingers with the Doctor’s. 

The Doctor stopped talking and looked over at him, questioning. 

“You go on,” Jamie told him. “Didn’t mean to interrupt you.”

And the Doctor said, “Right, of course, I- what was I saying?”

Jamie stared at him for a moment. “I’m not sure. I mean- I was listening, I just-”

“Water,” Polly replied, eyeing them curiously. “It was how water makes tunnels like this.”

“That it was,” the Doctor said, face flushing. “I was- see, usually, just like you said, Polly, underground rivers carve tunnels and caves and that’s how they’re made. But here, there’s no naturally occurring water, no water cycle. All the water here is transported by the settlers. Which makes these tunnels fascinating, doesn’t it?” And he went on, posing theories, checking facts with Sina, who was listening intently. 

About halfway back to the surface, Ben made eye contact with Jamie, held up his hand, and pointed between Jamie and the Doctor, quiet so as not to interrupt. 

Jamie considered trying to excuse it -  _ no, this isn’t anything. The Doctor and I normally hold hands, haven’t you noticed before? _ But really, that was just a knee-jerk panic reaction, and not what he wanted to do at all. He wanted to say that in the Doctor’s own words, he was the Doctor’s partner, and that it suited him very well, thank you. But then, that would take a bit of time to mime out for Ben to understand, so he just gave him a little shrug and a smile and let him draw his own conclusions. 

They saw the moon’s light on the tunnel ground probably a good five minutes before they actually reached the entrance, and by then they were already stepping around saying goodbye, which no one really wanted to do. Polly’d actually said, “Maybe we’ll come back and visit,” which was beyond unlikely, unless the Doctor figured out how to fly his ship any time soon. 

But Sina was very patient, and when Jamie told her to be well, she apologize once again for knocking him out. 

“Sina,” he said, laughing, “I’ve told you, it’s fine. If I were you I’d have done worse than that. Really, don’t worry about it.” 

She relaxed a little more, wings drooping down like a garment. “Thank you for your help, both of you.”

The Doctor nodded in acknowledgement, just as always hesitant to accept thanks, and Jamie said, “Of course. Safe home, Sina.” 

Then the Doctor pulled Jamie away and up the jumble of rocks to the surface, saying under his breath, “We ought to give Ben and Polly a moment in private for goodbyes.”

Once they were up there the wind was stronger than ever, and the lights from the resort were nowhere to be seen. Jamie asked, “Do you think it’ll make a difference? I mean, do you think they’ll leave?”

“Well, it’s yet to be seen, isn’t it?” The Doctor looked up at the moon, which hung heavy and goliath in the night sky. 

Jamie realized then that the Doctor never knew if things would really be all right after they’d tried to save people, or help people. He wasn’t sure why, but he always thought it was more of a definite thing, at least for the Doctor, and that he never stayed up wondering what would happen after they left. He rested his head on the Doctor’s shoulder, and he said, “I think it’ll be all right.” 

“Really?” The Doctor touched a hand to Jamie’s back. 

“Aye, I do.” And Jamie wasn’t sure if it was just his compulsion to keep the Doctor the safest and happiest he could be that was making him say it, but he found himself believing it too. He lifted his head to press a kiss to the Doctor’s cheek. 

“Jamie,” the Doctor said, and he sounded like he was smiling. 

“Mm?” 

“It’s just that you’re ever so sweet.”

Jamie tssked, giving the Doctor’s arm a little push. 

“And I’m ever so lucky.” 

Jamie looked down and tried to get over the rush of - what was it? He was all warm and stupid and it was obviously love but if that was all it was then, lord, that was a lot of love - to really no avail. “That you are,” he said loftily, trying not to laugh. 

“That I am,” the Doctor echoed, but he didn’t say it like a joke. Then after a moment he added, “I think it’ll be all right too.” 

After a grounded, comfortable moment of silence, Jamie heard the sliding of rocks, and looked back to the tunnel entrance, where Ben was giving Polly a hand up. He murmured, “Let’s go home, eh?”

The Doctor was watching Ben and Polly fondly, raising a hand to wave them over. He turned back to Jamie, and he was smiling. “Ah- yes, I think so. Let’s go home.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to those who read this whole thing it's kinda all over the place.. love u :')

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @lesbiandonnanoble 🥰


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